Sister Marthe Marie NZABAKURANA
Religious of the Assumption - PROVINCE Rwanda -Chad
Starting off with the principle that reconciliation is an interpersonal act, essential for peace, I want to bring together, through this testimony, the theme of reconciliation and that of peace in a specific context: the process of reconciliation among the Religious of the Assumption in the Rwanda-Chad Province.
After the genocide and war that brought mourning to the Rwandan people in 1994, the journey to reconciliation within the Province and within the Communities has illuminated the darkest areas of our history! This liberating adventure that culminated in the celebration of forgiveness and reconciliation has often been shared with others.
More than thirty years later, I will review the facts through a personal testimony to see if there are repercussions of this reconciliation in the lives of the Sisters and of the Communities. In other words, can we talk about it as something that is part of the past? Is today a way of profiting of the lasting fruits of a hoped-for peace? Can we talk about an achievement or a grace that must be welcomed to build a future for the new generations?
It is this kind of questioning that I will try to cover from an experience of someone who, being part of the process, I welcome our history with its divided past, sharing the desire to build a common future, through the search for justice, truth, forgiveness and healing.
Reconciliation yesterday…
For seekers of God, the theme of reconciliation and peace is based on the person of Christ Who is our peace. Reconciliation refers to the work of Christ who overcame the enmity between God and humanity. Linked to the sufferings of Christ, it has the value of the shed blood of Christ. “So He wanted to create in Himself a new man from the two, the Jew and the Gentile, by making peace, and to reconcile them both to God in one body by means of the Cross; in Himself He killed hatred. He came to proclaim the Good News of Peace, peace to you who were far off, peace to those who were near [1]. The path to reconciliation has led to peace for individuals, the human community, and society as a whole.
We are an international Congregation and wherever we are established, we want to be Sisters to all and, through this, signs of reconciliation[2].
Reconciliation is a grace
The greatest obstacle in God’s path is not being able to forgive. Forgiveness to make peace between us has been a powerful act that has healed wounds, restored relationships, restored love, and brought peace to those who have been deeply offended. We have continually recounted our experiences with fear, pain, and despair; with blame, hatred, or self-pity.
When I revisit our experience of reconciliation, I attribute this grace to a force stronger than ourselves; it is something that has an evangelical value and which is also highlighted by our Rule of Life as a Congregation:
"United with the Sisters whom God gives them, they try to accept each other as different, because they know that the love of the One who brings them together is stronger than what separates them. This love goes beyond the feelings of attraction or antipathy that they may experience. It is the love of God Himself poured out into their hearts by the Spirit. Discovering in their own existence the mercy of the Lord, the Sisters celebrate God's forgiveness together. They are always ready to forgive, without letting coldness or resentment settle in them. Aware of their own sin, they strive to look at others with a new heart every morning. Each Community determines the moments when the request for forgiveness can be experienced."[3]
So, recovering from our wounds was one thing, and doing it in all the Communities that made up our Province was something that cemented my belonging to a body that was suffering together and needed to rebuild itself. The strength of true reconciliation requires forgiveness that involves the groups concerned because the wounds are present on both sides.
Although some people thought they were choosing the path of prayer to avoid bitter and hostile relationships, over time, everyone saw that if we were not ready to enter into a process of reconciliation, or at least if we did not intend to do so, we could go to Church as often as we wanted, recite prayers, go on retreats... all for nothing, without reaching true peace.
Reconciliation requires the restoration of trust between the two groups wishing to restore broken unity and come closer together after a separation.
Today I can say that the path of reconciliation in my Province has been a powerful act that has restored true love in relationships and brought a peace that gives life, a Christian witness at a time when many people were not yet ready to make this heroic gesture.
Reconciliation today…
In our interpersonal relationships, we have quickly moved to exchanges marked by more understanding and less aggression, relationships marked by positivity rather than negative a priori. Today, I will talk about free and open exchanges that touch on subjects that some circles avoid, such as the history and/or ethnic realities of our country. The most important thing remains a delicateness that takes into account our differences and our sensitivities, a sign of the benevolence and compassion of each other. Speaking without bias helps us to grow in objectivity and critical thinking and to move away from generalities: each of us has our share of suffering and we move forward at different paces. Empathetic listening is part of the remedy that leads to unity and communion.
Why do we need to maintain this grace?
If for a while the wounds seem to be healed, this is not the case. Under the scab, the wound can continue to hurt until the day it is looked at, accepted and loved as it is. Not everything that has been suffered has been redeemed. Only what has been suffered with love and forgiveness has been healed!
Maintaining this grace is, for me, recognizing in us the existence of these feelings of deep hurt, especially when they are deeply painful! The justification of attitudes linked to our own sins or our own limits prevent us from moving forward and taking the step towards a true personal conversion.
In the daily life of our interpersonal relationships, because of a misinterpretation of our actions or words, love can be questioned, challenged! In the Community, this is often linked to the way we are treated, valued, despised, undervalued, marginalized… in one form or another. There are times when our resentments come back from problems in our childhood, in the way we were treated in our families.
Another element that must be considered is that it is difficult, if not impossible, to take the path of total healing when there are situations of injustice that persist. Unfortunately, a Community can cultivate peace and reconciliation, but can this happen when a person has multiple affiliations? We often inherit the resistances of our families and of the surrounding society, and our Rule of Life speaks of it with wisdom and delicacy:
"The bonds that unite them to their families are of a unique order. Before God, the sisters discover little by little the influence of their origins and their education. They assume the blessings and the wounds, in thanksgiving. This experience increases their respect and their gratitude towards their parents."[4]
Reconciliation for more justice and peace is a continuous work that remains supported by regular rereading and requests for forgiveness in each Community. Each year, the celebration of the memory of reconciliation unites the Sisters around a theme chosen either by the leaders; or by the Committee for Reconciliation or by the Justice, Peace and Integrity of Creation Commission. It is truly a continuous work of the spirit at work in our lives. Nothing is mapped out in advance, we must remain attentive. These strong moments help to welcome in a renewed way this gift which, without paying attention, can fall into oblivion or be experienced as a routine practice.
In addition, young people who join the Communities are invited to enter into this tradition. We affirm with the new arrivals that what unites us is stronger than what could separate us and we recognize that this treasure is carried in clay vessels.
Reconciliation towards tomorrow….
It is impossible to go through life without being hurt or suffering injustices. But we must learn to live with these wounds without interrupting the flow of love. The need to live as reconciled men and women is a palpable expression of a life consistent with the teaching of Jesus Christ. He who does not forgive his neighbor harbors resentment toward God, Who created that person and placed him near Him. We cannot separate our relationship with the people around us from our relationship with God!
The Rwandan experience – if I only take the example that caught my attention – confronts us with a society wounded by a tested love. However, the prayer of the Our Father: " Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us”, springs from our lips at several moments of daily prayer.
Forgiveness has no limits. In the Gospel, Peter comes to Jesus and says, “Lord, how many times must I forgive my brother if he wrongs me, up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” There would be a huge contradiction in the fact that we constantly ask God to forgive our sins, but we would not be ready to forgive our fellow men.
This prayer is our constant road map, now and forever. We want to live as people reconciled with ourselves, with others and with God.
The awareness that reconciliation is a whole process towards which we tend, is a recognition of our limits to forgive with all our heart. I can tell myself a hundred times that I forgive, but my resentment remains. How many times on the path of listening and accompaniment, people cry in front of their resistance in this area?
Forgiveness from the heart has only taken place when resentment, hatred and pain towards the one who has offended us have been transformed into reconciled love. This does not happen by itself. We must therefore learn to forgive from the heart:
We cannot change people, we can simply, with poor means, change our behavior towards them. In a forgiveness of intention, it is important to connect with our Center, and turn to God. From Him comes forgiveness, healing and true reconciliation.
It is true that in our Communities, life is organized and oriented so that the members are turned towards the Love of Christ Who calls us and brings us together.
One of the orientations of the last General Chapter of the Religious of the Assumption insists on the culture of care, motivated by the desire to be what one is with the greatest possible fullness. We are invited to see what in our words, our actions, hurts instead of healing, crushes instead of making grow, weakens instead of strengthening!
The quality of Religious Life is one of the conditions that can help each member of the Community to feel happy in his or her vocation and to persevere faithfully in following Christ to the end. Taking care of our personal relationship with God is necessary to maintain the quality of our interior life and to build a Community where life flourishes every day, so that all members find their happiness there.
One of the graces that Rwandans recognize is to have welcomed the Message of the Mother of the Word "NYINA WA JAMBO" and to try to live by it. KIBEHO (Rwanda), this Holy Land, embodies the Gospel of the Cross with the calls to suffer to participate in the Salvific Mission of Christ. This may seem inaudible in a world that thinks that suffering is to be avoided, and when it occurs, the goal would be to eliminate it. We easily forget that suffering, whether we like it or not, remains inherent in the human condition. When it is understood and accepted, it brings us closer to Jesus and Jesus Crucified and by the same token, we learn to be light, to give life, to be sensitive to our brothers and sisters who are going through difficult times and who need us. On our own path of the Cross, we become other Christs and we deliver a message of Salvation. Whoever tries to understand this, the moments of suffering of one and the other become moments of closeness to God, within a vulnerability in the eyes of men. This is how the calls to prayer, to conversion, cement our path of reconciliation.
To conclude, reconciliation is not something that has a beginning and an end but a grace that must be welcomed and maintained every day. The greatness of reconciliation is in the simplicity and humility with which we accept that we are beings of flesh who fall and rise again. A humility that counts on the grace of the One who makes us capable of loving beyond our weaknesses.
This is the right path that helps us grow in trust in God. Caring love is rooted in God's merciful love, from which we draw, so that peace may reign in hearts. To those who do not know how, or who cannot forgive, let us offer them our love, our understanding and our compassion. This is the only way to help them experience God's mercy.
If we are among those people who have gone through hard suffering and who have had the favor of being made capable of forgiving and loving, let us bless God who gives us the happiness of enjoying the prayer of the Our Father better.
Our aspiration for a just and reconciled society has a price to pay because to be reconciled, we must go beyond what human justice can bring. We must even forgive irreversible injustices. It is the choice to live as reconciled children of God that helps us to bear the suffering of each other, in order to solidify the foundations for a peaceful future where we will have to fight evil without doing more harm, where we will learn to imitate Christ who came to bring Peace.
[1]Eph. 2, 15-17
[2]RV n°78
[3] RV n°55
[4]RV No. 8